I have two sisters. I always tell people that I was an uh-oh baby. My oldest sister, Linda, is 13 years older than me and my sister, Lori, is 10 years older than me. Linda was totally embarrassed that our mother was pregnant. Lori couldn't wait to have a baby in the house.
To say that Lori was the caretaker of the bunch is an understatement. My sister, Linda, was a rebel rouser. She definitely had a rebellious streak. Lori covered for her, told white lies for her, pleaded her case for her, everything to try to keep her out of trouble with our parents. It didn't stop in the teen years. Linda was in a bad first marriage and Lori went in the middle of the night to pick her up when her life was in a violent turmoil. She took her food when Linda was going through a divorce and was broke. After Linda remarried, she and her husband lived with Lori for a short period of time while they were doing business in the town where Lori lived. I could keep on, but you get the idea.
When I was born, Lori was my second, little mother. She wanted to carry me. She wanted to play with me. When I was a teenager, she was already married and she was always available to talk to when I felt like I couldn't talk to my Mom. We grew to be close as sisters as adults. She was my confidant and one of my best friends. We went through good times and bad. No judgments, no lectures. She would do anything within her power to help me.
Actually, if she loved you, she would do anything within her power for you. She was always very generous and giving. She was also very bossy! I have never really figured out if she was the caretaker because she wanted everyone to be taken care of or if it was just because she wanted to be the one in charge! If she gave you advice on what to do, she was going to also tell you exactly how she wanted you to do it. Those of us that loved her learned how to just laugh and do what we wanted to do. Of course, we were secretly hoping that our way worked out because we certainly didn't want to hear her say, "I told you so. You should have listened to me."
She has 2 beautiful children. Trisha is the oldest and Beau is the youngest. They were the topic of many conversations. Her pride in them beamed across her whole body. She was their biggest cheerleader, defender, encourager and stronghold. Her whole life revolved around those kids. She provided them every opportunity to be successful. Her son, Beau, is dyslexic. He struggled in school. To make sure he graduated from college, she enrolled and went with him so she could help him in every single class. They graduated together.
She also had an opinion about everything. She was not shy at all about telling you her opinion. If you had a different opinion, she was going to do her level best to convince you that your opinion was wrong and you should have the same opinion as her. I realized at some point she didn't try to push her opinion on you for any other reason than she thought it was going to do something good in your life. It wasn't for any other reason.
Her children presented her with 7 precious grandchildren. They were the absolute light of her life. I only thought she loved her children. She LOVED her grandchildren. There was not a debate, volleyball game, basketball game, baseball game, dance recital, equestrian event, art contest, that she did not attend. Those grandkids could look up from any performance and see her sitting there rooting them on. She always woke them up when they were at her house by singing You are my Sunshine.
About 8 years ago, I noticed that Lori was telling stories over again within a span of just a few minutes. She was forgetting where things were. She wasn't participating in conversations. Our mother had Alzheimer's and Lori and I were her caretakers. We hired someone to come to our parents' home and take care of her and our Dad. After our Dad died, we moved Mom into a center with Memory Care. We checked on her, called doctors, moved her twice, had medicine changed, bought diapers, washed clothes, answered calls in the middle of the night, you name it. When my Mom died, Lori's greatest fear was having Alzheimer's. She was consumed with that fear. I use to try to reassure her that she probably was safe. Turns out, I was wrong.
Something I learned with my Mom was that Alzheimer's patients will never be back in your world. Don't try to make them It only confuses them and frustrates you. So, as she deteriorated, I would try to be in her world as much as possible.
She knew who I was for a long time. She might not say my name, but she knew I was her sister and that she loved me. She told me many times. However, when I visited her last November, she didn't have a clue who I was. She was bedridden by this time. She couldn't eat unless spoon fed and she could no longer speak. Once the corona virus thing started, she was in lock down and no one could go in to see her. Her husband got to Facetime with her once a week, but that was it.
Day before yesterday, her hospice nurse called her husband and her daughter and told them that if they wanted to see her, they needed to come. They were going to allow them in because she did not have much longer to live. Sure enough, they had only been there a short time when she passed through the threshold into heaven.
Now, I know this was the best thing that could have happened to her. She is no longer sick. She is whole. She is getting to visit with my Mom and Dad. I am happy for her. But, my heart is broken. I know I lost her a while back, but this is all so final. I will miss her like crazy. I will laugh like crazy when I think of our times together. I will cry like crazy.
I do know that one day I will see her again and for that I am grateful. I will think of her often. I will hold on to the memories I have. My heart will heal and I will still have the love for her deep down inside. Til I see her again..........
Lori Foster Smith
The best big sister in the whole wide world
12-30-1945/6-9-2020
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